Heartbreak

There are these two boys at camp. They are like soul brothers. They love each other so much it hurts. It hurts to see how much they love each other and how well they know each other. This makes it hard for them to be friends. They are both a little socially challenged (more so then other 2nd graders) and this makes it especially difficult for them to be easy going friends. For most of camp their play together has been highly monitored (increasing in the last week or so) and we have spent a great deal of time diffusing arguments and reminding them that even when we love our friends deeply, it can be important to take breaks and find new friends to play with.

This week, with the influence of their parents, their school-year teacher, and the kids themselves, we have come back to the decision that they simply cannot play together. This breaks my heart into a million tiny pieces. To see the way these boys react when the other arrives in the morning is one of the purest and most beautiful forms of affection I can ever remember encountering. It is truly something special.

Unfortunately, their arguing and communication skills are not developed enough for them to play together without there being an aggressive outburst (which can sometimes lead to violence). All I want for the two of them is to be happy and enjoy camp and really enjoy each other. None of the other campers, even their classmates understand these boys like they so clearly understand and sincerely know each other.

My hope for them is that with time apart, and the help of adults and peers around them, they can develop the necessary skills to form a deep and lasting brotherly bond. I know from experience that the true friends you make in elementary and middle school can last longer then you or anyone else expect.

Favorites

        As a student you are told that teachers don't have favorites. That they like and love all of their children equally. That's all well and good and could quite possibly be true, but in my experience, I have favorites. Maybe that makes me a bad teacher or maybe that's just one of the secrets they never tell you. 

 I have become a human jungle gym at camp this year. I have even had to make restrictions on which kids can climb on me (kindergarten only) and had to tell them sometimes that they are too rough or that I am not strong enough to hold them a certain way because in fact, I am not as strong as their father. This 5 year old boy is my favorite. I'm not usually one for the kindergarten age, but oh man. This kid is just great.

Today he was climbing on me after lunch and got a little too excited and I told him (and his climbing companion) that I simply could not support both of them at the same time and it was making my back a little sore. He apologized and proceeded to give me a back rub! His concern was so sweet and so kind that I just wanted to squeeze him! The two of them (4 year old grumpy girl) proceeded to climb then rub my back in between to make sure I was holding up okay. Too damn precious.

At the end of the day, around pick-up time the grumpy girl was climbing on me while I was standing. It ended up with me holding her ankles while she hung upside down behind me. I then pulled her straight up and bend down forward. She easily perches herself on my back sitting backwards, giggling and yelling at her Dad to look. While it may be hard and somewhat exhausting, I can be a human jungle gym for giggles like that any day.

Two weeks of camp left then Ms. Sadie is retired for four weeks and I can just be Sadie.

House Sitting

I used to love house sitting. That was before I had my own house. Where everything is mostly how I want it to be and it is all familiar and my routines are set and easy. I haven't been asked to house sit since I moved in. Until now.

I do love this house though. I feel like whenever I am here I have a little vacation where all I do is watch TV and take baths and read crazy science or magic books. It's so great. Sometimes friends will come over for a couple hours but then they leave and it's like I'm in a different city again. I take walks with the dog and go down to the grocery store for chocolate or juice. I also take the highway to get almost anywhere which I hardly ever do. It's close enough that I can just hop on and hop of at the exact right spot.

Totally awesome.

Not to mention this guy:

Computer Crash

I realize that I said I was going to post something from camp everyday and have not. I do apologize, but this time it was out of my control. My computer hard drive crashed. I lost everything. Things I'm still remembering I had saved, I lost. Things I have forgotten about are gone and I won't be able to rediscover them. I can't blame anyone but myself which may be the most frustrating part. I did not back anything up. I did not have copies of things saved in safer places. Completely devastating and completely my own fault.

It's a strange thing to remember the comfort I had in all those firefox bookmarks (I must have had more than 70 with all the recipes, projects, blogs and other miscellaneous sites), apple sticky notes, word docs, pdf's, and not to mention pictures. Three years worth of photos. Three years worth of memories totally erased. Granted not entirely from my memory but the only semi-physical proof of them. It feels so odd.

I thought I was going to just be weeping about it but surprisingly enough I haven't cried at all. Which is really weird because I cry all the time. Maybe I need this sort of freedom. To restart and rejuvenate.

I'm still not excited about it but maybe I can just handle it and try to let it be a thing that happened instead of the WORST THING EVER. I'm sad but I'm handling it.

It happens all the time right?

I'm GOOD At This

Another summer, another year of Portland Waldorf summer camp.

It is week 3. Half way done. This summer is seems to be passing me by way more quickly then I expected it too. I'm having a hard time keeping up but I kinda hope it continues to go so speedily.

I'm going to try and post stories from camp every day. Well, Monday-Thursday, camp days.

Thursday, July 19th, 2012

We are all eating lunch in the courtyard between the High School and the Lower School. Most of us like to have a picnic on the ground but some of the children and one teacher will usually sit at the tables. The half day kids have been picked up and gone and I'm left to get the 2nd and 3rd grade boys ready for rest time. The hardest part of the day for me and for some of them. We are about to start cleaning up to head inside when this boy comes up to me completely doubled over in stomach pain. He had a big emotional upset earlier in the day and I think this was probably some left over feelings.

Anyway, I have him sit down next to me leaning up against a tree and start to ask him questions about the pain. Where does it hurt, what kind of hurt, when did it start, is it better when you stand or sit, how does it feel if you squeeze it? I'm an expect in stomach pain myself and have all kinds of descriptive words for these such situations. We talk about it for a few minutes and then I have him lean up against me with one arm tight around his shoulders and the other gently rubbing his arm that is in my lap.

We sit like this silently for a few minutes while taking deep breaths and drinking water. He suddenly looks up at me and says,
"Ms. Sadie, you have some kind of powerful magic."
"Why do you say that?"
"Because you always make all the children feel better. When they are sick or angry or sad or anything. You don't even need any medicine."
"Well thank you. I do my best. Do you want to lean on me while we walk inside?"
"Yes please."

When the kids say things like this to me, it's all I can do not melt into a big puddle. I work really hard at my teaching jobs (well all of my jobs but that's not the point). I take it as a prestigious honor and the biggest responsibility a person can have; besides raising their own children. And for some of them, it's more important and better then their home life. It certainly was for me.

This whole week I have gotten a wholehearted compliment from a child everyday. Which is kind of crazy for me to accept because I have been exhausted and distracted everyday. Far from the top of my game. But if they seem to appreciate me when I'm not at my best, it makes me excited for what I can do for them when I am.

Also, I have a idea for a children's book. First notes/draft starts tomorrow!

p.s. My flowers are blooming!!