Today my sister gave me a fitting quote:
"Do not go where the path may lead, go where there is no path and leave a trail."
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
It seems that you think I left you to go on a big city adventure full of excitement and constant stimulation. This is not so. What I really am after is the small town, solitude adventure. The peace and quiet; and at the risk of sounding cliche, the self-discovery that happens when you have nothing to do but be with yourself. I think that you, being in a steady relationship with 2 million people and all, are in a constant struggle to find your true self. But to me, you have been thoroughly consistent. You may be growing, and like I said, you do change with every season, but the habits and the thought patterns that I fall in line with every time I am with you, stay very much the same.
Maybe I don't want you to change at all, maybe I just want to change who I am, and especially who I am when when we are together. And that's fine. Obviously it needs to happen, it wasn't working for me. And obviously it is the right thing to do for myself.
I don't know what is going to happen here and I don't know how long this adventure will last, but I do know that you will be ready for me when I come back. No matter what has changed. But it's not time yet. I am just getting used to the silence. I am just getting used to the work of starting over again. I am just getting used to thinking about me.
And Portland, just so you know, I am aware of how cliche this all sounds. No need to bring it up in the future.
No comments:
Post a Comment