Shut Your Mouth And Keep Walking

Dear Portland,
You are so weird and sometimes mean.
I was sitting outside of my work (appropriately perched more than 10 feet from any door) desperately smoking a cigarette before my lunch break ended. It was really cold. I'm sure I looked cold and slightly unhappy and kind of odd on those steps to a doorway that didn't lead anywhere. I was just looking around at the people and stuff just smoking and minding my own business when these two bro's start walking towards me talking and then just as they start to pass me one of them says "Sorry, I don't have any change."

Ummmm....EXCUSE ME?!! Do I look homeless to you?!! I didn't even say anything to you!! SERIOUSLY?! You are a jerk and either you are so self-involved you didn't even look at the person sitting on the steps (out of the way of foot traffic and harsh winter winds for a reason!) or you are just an ass and thought you were being super hilarious and that if you made me laugh I would be impressed by you and what? Catch up to you and invite you and your friend to a motel room? REALLY?! I'm not even going to mention the compassionless mindset you have to mock a group of people that are less fortunate then you and have no choice but to berate their own diginity and ask for help from indignant assholes like you.  

Just an FYI, girls don't really appreciate being confused with a bum.

Mind your own business jerk.