Catch Up

Dear Portland.
Today I woke up in horrible mood and I have no idea why. I was cranky and annoyed by everything. I decided to make brownies with cream cheese frosting today instead of later in the week, (I was planning on bringing them to my knitting classes next week).

Well, I really should not cook when I'm in a bad mood because nothing really worked out. The cream cheese frosting just didn't turn out because I was rushing it and didn't cream the butter and cream cheese together well enough before I started adding the powdered sugar and I got all sorts of unwelcome clumps. I decided to make a half batch of the brownies to try them out, because this was a new recipe and I wanted to have a little test before I share them with picky 10 year olds. Well you can't really make a half batch of these. Or, more accurately, I can't. I put them in the oven and went outside for a smoke (what I do with everything that will be in the oven for more then 10 minutes) and it wasn't ready when I cam back. Suddenly the next time I checked they were overcooked and I found myself trying all sorts of tools to try and get them unstuck from my BUTTERED pan.

Mood not improved. I called my sister via Skype and did some online window shopping and watched a movie.

Mood very much improved.


I was also looking back at some older posts, and I realized I never posted pictures of my macaroni and cheese. I didn't take any pictures of the first one, but the much better second attempt I did. Can't wait until I get to perfect it further.

I'm Coming Back

Dear Portland,
I just went outside and it was raining. Hard. Real rain. Not those drops that come down every 10 seconds that hit you on the top of the head, shockingly cold, and drip down your scalp. Real movie style rain. I can see one street lamp from my otherwise dark street and I love how rain looks in the old school amber street lights. It's looks like a romantic movie scene and I LOVE IT. It is also a warmer night so it makes the rain smell amazing. There are no weird smells that rain usually brings up in a city. It just smells like spring. With no sunlight, in the middle of the night and there are no cars or trains or planes to disrupt. I LOVE IT. (My camera has no charge and I don't want to go back outside so I will try again tomorrow night).

Tomorrow is grocery shopping on a serious budget. My neighbor just told me there are some good deals going on at Smiths, hopefully in the cheese and dairy section because I'm planning on making some brownies with cream cheese frosting. Oh and I made banana bread yesterday (my baking nemesis) and it turned out awesome. I always had a problem with banana bread because mine turns out too dense, too dry and all around not very awesome. That is behind me. I have finally done it!

I spent a good hour or so yesterday shopping online for kitchen gadgets (and essentials). This came up because I really want to make sourdough bread including making my own starter but the bread making community highly discredits using metal bowls. Which, sadly, is all I have. So I checked out some glass and ceramics bowls and stumbled across something super awesome. A ROBOT COOKIE JAR.
Feast your eyes:

To Battle And Victory

Dear Portland,
I'm sorry, the following paragraph is going to be very vague and incognito.
Last night I got an email. It was shitty for a lot of reasons and gave me all sorts of feelings. Mostly livid anger, uncontrollable hurt, and fierce betrayal. Now I know this sounds very intriguing and you want to know more, but Portland, I am truly sorry. It would be childlike and undiplomatic to divulge any details at this time. Then why bring it up at all you ask? Because it is the only thing that is on my mind and I can't get away from it.
I will tell you what I can, as soon as I can.

In other news, I cleaned my apartment hardcore today and it is getting shown at 10am. Which is when I normally wake up. But I haven't been sleeping lately so I stay in bed for a few more hours. But no, not tomorrow. The stupid rental girl with her annoying voice and empty green eyes is going to come over and talk talk talk. I guess I can't really be too bitter about it because I really need someone in here in July. But it's still annoying.

More other news, I am going to be giving private knitting lessons to a 7 year old. So that will be a welcomed challenge. I hope.
Also, I think the house across the street from me is a drug house. I have seen probably 20 different people walk into that house without knocking, without a greeting and never staying for more then an hour. It's either drugs or prostitution. But I've seen the 3 people who actually live there and I don't think they have any hot working working girls hiding out.
I would notice that right?

Anxiety

Dear Portland,
Last night I went over to my friend Alissa's house to do laundry. Two of her friends stopped by and ended up convincing us to go the the bar across the street. It was funny because neither of really wanted to go for long so it worked out great that I had to get back to switch out my laundry. It was kind of a divey biker bar type place. Lots of camo baseball hats, missing teeth, work boots, and beards. Still fun. We stayed for a drink and then went back to her house to watch movies while my laundry was finishing. I really like her. She is 28 but at the same time not really that much older then me, has the sweetest dog and we have a surprising amount in common. We always talk about food. It's fun. I ended up getting home really late because I had three loads to do this time and we were both falling asleep by the time I left.

Today I made round two of fancy macaroni and cheese and it came out better. Still not amazing but it's getting better.

Ads for housekeeping positions in the area are coming up in the paper so on Monday I'm going to print out some more resumes and make the rounds. I basically have a week to come up with the $200 I'm short for rent.  I'm afraid I'm desperate and have to make some babysitting connections to make some fast cash. Uhg. Gotta do what I gotta do I guess.

Enjoy your crappy weather Portland, I'm not jealous at all.

I Like This Pace Better

Dear Portland,
My class went awesome today! I had an 8 year old girl who had never knit before and a ten year old girl that I taught a few weeks ago with the christian school field trip. They were both really sweet and VERY excited. My plan was to cast on for them and then get them started with the basic knit stitch. They were so interested in casting on that they both learned how to do it and were knitting on there own with 3 or 4 rows each by the end of class. Wow am I impressed. I didn't think they were going to catch on so quickly! So their first project is a washcloth and then I'm going to introduce purling and hopefully get them going on a ribbing pattern for a scarf! It's fun and easy and I get paid? No way, this is awesome.

Tomorrow hopefully I will get my laundry done and bake cookies.

Wednesday I have another class with one 12 year old girl.

7 weeks until I come home, 11 classes stronger.

I'm noticing SPRING

Dear Portland,
It seems the trees began to turn green overnight. Last night in fact. When I got here the branches were bare and trembling a bit under the weight of fresh snow, but today, spring green leaves cover what sky I used to be able to see. Even cherry blossom trees have decided to make an appearance. This morning, waking up 7am, due to the dogs, I also heard songbirds I have never heard before. And jesus is it hard to determine what bird is singing when you can't see it. There doesn't seem to be an encyclopedia of bird sounds on the internet, or maybe there is and I just couldn't find it. Anyway, I was able to focus on the just the birds this morning and the evil dogs were forced out of my concentration.

Tomorrow is my first knitting class and I'm totally excited and nervous. I hope they like me. I hope I don't have to explain my tattoo and piercing to a new group of eight year olds. I think there are only three girls so it should be pretty smooth. With such a small class there should be a lot of time for individual attention so hopefully they will be able to cultivate really excellent skills and techniques. Giving me a good name as a teacher.

My sister landed safely at PDX last night and just knowing she is walking your fair streets without me is so...annoying. It's alright though. With any luck these classes will be really good for me and the community will be welcoming. And my time left will be quick and well spent.

I watched Cold Mountain today and got all romantic for a horrible time in American history.

Tomorrow's a big day so I should try and get some sleep tonight.
I love you Portland.
Goodnight.

Accidental Absence

Dear Portland,
I have been absent the last couple days and not for any good reason. I just simply didn't have anything to say and completely forgot.
It seems that the evil dog situation is much more under control so that's awesome. But I have been sleeping terribly with really bad, scary, tiring, weird dreams. It really sucks. I don't know why or how, I really just can't figure it out. Hopefully it will pass.

I went to the grocery store yesterday, not the same one as last week though. I wanted to try something else price wise and to change the general shopping experience. It worked. while I spent waaaaaay to much money (better selection) and went a little crazy on the dairy side of things, it was nice. I had this amazing meal planned out for myself. Gourmet baked mac and cheese, butternut squash, buttermilk biscuits, and a red leaf lettuce salad with peanut butter chocolate chip cookies for dessert. I got home and unloaded my groceries and started cooking. I prepped and cooked for about 2 and half hours and sadly, I do not have any pictures to share because it basically ALL FAILED. The squash was not ripe even after being in the oven for close to an hour, came out hard and not sweet. The cheese from the mac and cheese didn't fully melt after being in the oven for awhile, and I put too much breadcrumbs on top. I only have one baking sheet, which was currently occupied by the disastrous squash, so the biscuits were completely forgotten about and by the time this all had gone awry, I was far too disheartened to attempt the salad (even thought it's something I know I can do). I also made some pesto for future dinners but realized I forgot to buy fresh garlic. Tired of cooking and really hungry by now, I left the cookies for another day. It was all pretty annoying by the end of the day, but the thing is I didn't use any recipes and just made it up as I went along. Now I guess I will know how to do it right...?

In other news, I went to Glacier Park Motel & Campground's "job fair" today. Yes they really do have fully furnished tipis. When I arrived, there was not a single applicant on site that I could identify. Okay, good news right? Better chances for me. I filled out the application in about 5 minutes (half a page) and then a few other people showed up, all older women (this place is entirely populated by old women, I'm sure of it), and the woman at the front desk gave me about a 6 minute interview and said she would be calling references on Tuesday. Strange, I thought Monday was a day for business...
We shall see how that all goes.

A nice little something that did come out of this day was I decided to take a different way home, as in, not the way I came (there are only two ways). It turned out to be shorter and much prettier. So if nothing else, I went for a pleasant drive today.

I took some photos while driving, here is one. The mountains are nearly my back yard.

How Domestic

Dear Portland,
This morning I got a call from my rental company telling me that they want to show my apartment tomorrow. Which is great. This means it won't be a problem to get out of my lease. So they are coming tomorrow afternoon, I cleaned today, and hopefully I will be able to figure out some cheaper way to live in June. I have no idea what this will look like yet but I'm hoping someone knows of a room that I can stay in for a few weeks for dirt cheap.

I was looking through a cookbook I made for myself a couple years ago and found a recipe my best friend taught me when I was living in Olympia, WA. It's a family recipe and I will not share it, but damn they are good. I meant to take a picture before I ate them but I forgot. I realize now that I should basically cut all my recipes in half because the is no way I can eat all I make, but oh well. More treats for the neighbors I guess.

I also started working on a hat and it's looking very Norwegian. I'm digging it. I just hope it will fit. It seems a little small but I know it will stretch. I just hope it stretches enough.

Time Will Tell

Dear Portland,
It was so nice outside today. Unfortunately I woke up with a massive headache. And do you know why? Because of those dogs. Those god damn dogs. I'm not sure if I have mentioned the dogs to you yet.

 They live two houses down. I have never seen any human activity coming from that house. There are blankets covering the windows, chewed up newspapers in the yard and three of the most evil and annoying dogs I have ever come across. And you know Portland, I LOVE DOGS. But these little miscreants need to go. There is no other solution. They must be relocated. For their own safety, my neighbors (Mary and Dillon) have both expressed their disdain for these miserable creatures and if they are not taken care I fear we may run a guerrilla operation to "take care" of them ourselves. Now, I do feel sorry for them. As I said, it seems they have no owners and only The Daily Interlake, for food, but seriously, no animal should bark that loud ALL THE TIME. I am not exaggerating. They bark at every car, person, cat, dog, child, insect, leaf, and blow of the wind that they detect. And believe me, they detect it all. They are left outside all day and all night and never stop barking for more that 45 minutes. I am woken up by them at least three times during the night. I already don't sleep well in general, and they are not welcomed help.

I finally got fed up with the Doxen, Schnauzer, and Springer Spaniel and called the cops this afternoon. I had never called the cops for any reason in my life. I looked up the non emergency number in the phone book and gave the operator my whole sob story. No sooner had I hung up the phone, when all I could hear in my neighborhood was laughing children. A beautiful sound for an out of work teacher. Not one yip since then.

I went to the yarn store to talk to Melanie today and she told me I have one 10 year old girl signed up for my Monday class, just one. I told her I would still do it, but that sucks. One more week to register so hopefully the spots will fill themselves.

I'm off for what I hope to be a peaceful nights sleep.

Check Out Those Pearly Whites

Dear Portland,

I have been staring at an empty page for about 5 minutes, trying to think up something of consequence to share. There isn't really anything. But I have this overwhelming obligation to write. I like doing it, I do, just sometimes it's hard for me to get my brain in order and sometimes there just isn't really a thing to say.

I watched "The Way We Were" today for the first time. It was long. But I love Robert Redford and always will.

The weather is supposed to pick up this week so hopefully I will be able to make it out to the forest in a couple days.

Wishful Thinking

Dear Portland,
This morning I woke and the sun was shinning and the birds were singing and it was warm outside. I got up out of bed and made myself a feast of a breakfast, looked up directions to the Lone Pine State Park entrance, packed a lunch and got in car. I got to the park, no fees, and hung out in the forest all day enjoying the sights, the smells, and the simplicity of my day.

NOT

What really happened when I woke up, was me freezing, rushing to make some hot tea and turn on the heat. I wasn't hungry and didn't eat breakfast. I sat down in my "living room" on the floor amidst all my started projects, intending to do some leather work but just wasn't feeling it. I made some more hot tea and got back into bed a feel asleep until 3pm. When I woke up I grabbed the magazines Mary lent me (Martha Stewart Living, Mother Earth News) and bundled up to sit in the afternoon sun on my porch. That lasted about half a cigarette. It started to rain and got colder. Back to bed. I really didn't want to work on the other arm warmer from my color work knitting project but powered through it. It's almost done and my elbow and fingers are hurting. Probably because I put layers on and then turned off the heat. Knitting in the cold always makes my fingers get sore faster. I finally got hungry around 7pm. Made some food and researched making homemade preserves along with watching some LA Ink.

Another day, productive in its own way I guess. No news on the registration for my classes but I am going to talk to Melanie on Monday.

Meat Hangover

Dear Portland,
I have to apologize to you because I forgot about you today. Well not about you necessarily, but about writing to you. Maybe it was because I don't have much to say. I am felling a little crazed right now and just want to think and walk. I really want to walk. If it's not raining tomorrow I'm gonna go down to Lone Pine State Park I think and hang out there for the day. Thunderstorms are in the forecast so we will see how my plans play out.
Goodnight.

The Earth Stood Still

Dear Portland,
I got a lot done today. I cleaned my whole apartment (which isn't saying much) went to get groceries, made banana bread and had dinner with Mary and her boyfriend who is a state trooper by the way.

Unfortunately I burned the banana bread. Major bummer.

A little bit after I pulled the sad bread out of the oven, Mary came up and invited me to dinner. Score! That is all awesome and great but why couldn't this have happened when I didn't have any food and was starving. Needless to say it was delicious. Gourmet meatloaf, butternut squash, asparagus, gravy, and homemade bread. I know you won't believe me when I tell you I ate it all (except the onions), but I did. Unfortunately I think she though I didn't like it because I didn't eat that much. My stomach definitely shrunk this week because I ate so little, having no food and no money and all... Oh well, if she reads this, it was awesome.

What I really want to talk about was the grocery store. I feel like I should be counting mullets and taking stealthy pictures because there is definitely an over abundance here. All different shapes, lengths, and sizes. It is a sight to be seen dear Portland. While shopping for food I was in a sort of daze, 2pm and I hadn't eaten yet and we all know grocery shopping when you're hungry is always the worst idea. So I'm in the baking aisle (I find myself there even when I don't really need anything), and a couple walks by. They match, with mullets. No joke. These two are the most well kept mullets I have ever seen. Seriously. Perfectly short and buzzed business on top, sticking straight up, and a long, well brushed party in the back. All the while I'm observing this particular phenomenon "Well Respected Man" by The Kinks is playing from the store speakers. SERIOUSLY?! I have no idea whats going on and I grab some vanilla extract while they stop at the artificial sweeteners and start to argue. It's all I can do to keep my eyes to myself and literally taking out my phone to snap a stalker photo. I resist, finish my shopping and leave.

Oh man what a day.

Banana Bread Anyone?

Dear Portland,
I woke up with a massive headache today. First one since I have been here. Well maybe that's not true, but it was definitely the worst. I got up at 1pm, made some tea, and got back into bed. After a couple Ibprofen and the last of my dried apple rings, I started to feel better.

A couple hours later I got a call from and unknown number. It was my case worker Tammy from the Department of Public Assistance. She told me that I needed to find a way to get my last pay stub to her by 6pm today, or I would not be getting my new benefits (why didn't she tell me this earlier?). It was 4:30pm. Uh-oh. Because I had my last paycheck sent to my Dads house (so he could deposit in my bank account) in the safety of your arms Portland, I was worried. She said I could fax it. Well normal people don't really have access to fax machines. So I got on skype hoping my dad was online and he was! I firmly instructed him to scan the pay stub and email it to me ASAP. And, having the totally super awesome father that I do, it was done in 10 minutes. He emailed it to me and I forwarded it to Tammy and in 11 minutes I will have money for food. I panicked, and it was unnecessary as usual, but I need groceries and anything that might get in the way would have made me freak out.

I finished one arm warmer of the color work I learned yesterday and I'm happy to report there are no technical mistakes. I just wish I had made some better design choices. It will turn out fine and is not a big deal at all, I'm just a perfectionist. I thought it was going to take me 3-4 days just to finish one but I would say about 8 hours each as apposed to the 4 hours without color work. And it's worth it. I also found myself with my project about 5 inches from my face until I put my glasses on and could work comfortably. Unfortunately I need to get my glasses adjusted because they keep falling down my nose which makes me feel like an 80 year old woman.

Tomorrow is going to be a good day. Cleaning my apartment, GOING TO GET GROCERIES, and then baking! I'm going to make chocolate chip banana bread if those bananas I saved in the freezer are still usable.

It was 31 degrees today and I went outside without socks or a scarf. I think I'm acclimating.

Honesty Costs Me A Job?

Dear Portland,
I think I severely lowered my chances at my interview at the coffee shop today by being honest. Heather (the manager), straight up asked me if I was here long term or what my plans are otherwise. Now I believe that when you are applying for a job and interviewing, you are creating a relationship with your employer and hopefully a good one, so that if and when you move on, you have established a good name for yourself and therefore will get a good reference. So when Heather asked, I answered honestly. I told her I would be leaving in July. I saw her write down a tiny "x". This makes me worry. She said she had a couple more people to interview and that I would know by tomorrow afternoon. I may have just stranded myself with my honesty, but I hope she appreciates it and gives me a chance. She liked me, I'm a likable person damn it. She complimented me on my style. The barista that I talk to and like the most was really excited that I got an interview and was stoked that I might be working there. We shall see how it all plays out. I hope the cards are on my side.

I came home after my interview intending to go get gas and maybe drive to Lone Pine State Park. But of course, a block away from my apartment there is a sudden downpour. I was soaked almost instantly and really cold. Damn. It stopped a few hours later but of course I was already back in bed writing letters and having no plans of leaving my cozy comforter anytime soon. I did some things here and there and decided I needed to be more productive if I was going to stay home. So I taught myself how to do some knitting colorwork. This is something I have always wanted to learn but I'm always too shy to ask people I see doing it. When I was at Camas Creek Yarn last week I saw Melanie doing it at lightning speed. I watched her intently trying to see exactly which piece of yarn was going where. It was hard because she is a picker, unlike me, a thrower. I stared at my yarn(s) and thought I had it figured out. I was determined not to look up instructions, diagrams, or videos. And guess what?! I did it. I taught myself. I figured it out without any aids and I feel awesome.
The photo to the left is what I have accomplished today.

It's pretty neat and I'm stoked to learn something new to bring variety and a new level of complexity to my projects.

It turns out I will not be able to make it back to you this month my dear city. As I mentioned, I'm broke and have a class the Monday I would be returning to Kalispell. It's too much and I do apologize. Keep yourself distracted with spring and strengthening those relationships that are there for you now.

Your Name Isn't Cindy, And You Aren't In Chicago

Dear Portland,
I got some news about you today,
"yeahh, just so you know portland feels bad and is going through treatment right now. she only relapsed once, other than that things are going pretty well."
I commend you in your efforts. I know it's hard but just hang in there. I will be back home to support you soon and we can start to rebuild our broken relationship. I do have to warn you though, I am in charge this time and there will be no overwhelming, consuming, power plays displayed by you. None at all. It's all about me. I'm in control now.

This morning my phone rang at 8:10am. Waking me up and effectively ruining my morning. I thought that was going to be the worst part of my morning. I got up at about 9:45am and tried to check my message. The call was from a 406 number, good news. I dialed my voicemail and got my own greeting which is not what usually happens. I hung up and then called my voicemail a different way. Same thing. I tried pushing buttons and typing in numbers when it asked for my password but the problem was, I have never set up a password for my messages. I went to the the T-Mobile website and looked around and tried their stupid "live support chat", but of course it didn't work. Finally I decided to call tech support, one of my very least favorite things to do, ever. Guess what, we don't get to push buttons anymore, it's all voice recognition, awesome. After a few tries I got through to a real life person who then transferred me to a different real life person who helped me out and it all worked out.
This story is all a set-up for how my day really went.
I listened to my message and it was the manager from my coffee shop. Colter Coffee Roasters! I called her back, left a message and she called me back. I have an interview at 8am tomorrow! I know, horrendously early for me, but I will be their. And I'm really excited about it. I'm also really nervous, which is weird because I haven't gotten nervous for an interview in awhile, but it's a whole different playing field here.

In other news, I started working on some pen and ink tracings today which are turning out cool, but because I'm working on the floor, my neck and lower back hurt. While I was working on these, I was listening to a podcast called, "Stuff You Missed In History Class." I learned about Catherine de' Medici (the dark/black queen) and she was pretty interesting considering she was an orphan and then became queen, kind of a bad ass if you ask me.

Wish me luck on my interview!

Amendment

Dear Portland,
I was a hermit today, big surprise I know.
The only thing I have, is an amendment to my "Budget" post.
I also want this:

May Day Project Mode

Dear Portland,
You know how I get when I'm in project mode. I have, for the last few days, been cranking out some major knitting projects, planning master books, and even gotten some stenciling started. I'm totally digging it. I feel like my style and aesthetic is really clear right now and I want to take full advantage of that as much as I can. I feel like I don't have all these outside influences that often overwhelm me and drown me like when I'm around you. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely am incredibly inspired by other artists and even just the world around me, but sometimes I can get lost or bombarded with things that aren't my own ideas. So today was very productive in that area. It feels really good to have enough time, and keep my head clear enough, to really work on projects that have been partially developing and also making room for new things.

Also today, one of my downstairs neighbors, Mary, came up and gave me a mini loaf of sourdough bread she had made and asked me if I wanted to go for a hike with her and her dog tomorrow. I'm really excited to finally get out on the land and really get to know my surroundings intimately. I have been craving the smell of wet conifers.

Happy May Day Portland, I can only imagine that the cherry blossoms are in full bloom and look like giant snowflakes on the sidewalks.

What Ever Happened To My Budget?

Dear Portland,
I have internet at my house again!!!

So last night I did laundry at Alissa's house above Camas Creek Yarn. She was really cool, we drank tea, watched Dexter, knit, talked, ate mango, and pet her sweet sweet dog. It was all around fun and kind of nice to hang out with something other then myself (although I have been enjoying being alone a lot).

In the late afternoon Melanie called me. She told me there was a group of seven, third grade, catholic school girls coming in for a field trip. Keep your pants on Portland, there were no uniforms in sight. Anyway, Melanie thought it would be a good idea for me to give them a knitting class. I unfortunately had to donate my time, but it was the perfect opportunity for me to have a test run for my upcoming classes and work out any kinks. I'm happy to report there were none! Everything went smoothly and I was able to give them each a place to start. Hopefully they will sign up for my class so I can get paid.

I'm broke. I've been broke before, but man I am really broke this time. I have started drinking coffee again because if I bring my own cup, house brewed is only a dollar. I'm waiting for my food stamps to be allocated for May but that's not until the 6th, I'm waiting for a check from Waldorf which doesn't get mailed until tomorrow, and I'm waiting for my classes to fill. In the mean time, I'm kinda hungry, am going to need cigarettes in about a day, and am worried about my gas/electric bills. I am also worried about the bananas in the fridge I have been saving for chocolate chip banana bread, I don't have all the ingredients so they are also waiting. This is serious.

I have a request. A CARE PACKAGE.
Here are few things I really miss right now.